Getting my boyfriend to listen to me

Dear Energy Lady,
I love my boyfriend a lot, but he's a really terrible listener.  I've tried asking him to listen to me, but he'll do it for, like, 3 seconds, and then goes right back to watching TV or playing with his phone.  Is there anything I can do energetically?

Signed,
Tuned Out

Dear Out,
This is not just your problem.  A lot of people experience "tuned-outness" with the people around them, largely due to the electronic toys we all have.  While energy doesn't work as well when you try to create in someone else's experience, it can be wonderful when you use it to create in your own.

First, ask yourself: do I want my boyfriend to listen to me complain about my day, or just have a normal back-and-forth conversation?  The negative energy of complaining or whining doesn't feel very good, and many people will do something to distract themselves or protect themselves from it.  The same is true if you're judging or gossiping about others.   So it may be that your boyfriend is not tuning you out, but what you're talking about.

The next thing to consider is whether you just want to talk about yourself and what matters to you, or whether you want to use the time to engage him about what's on his mind.  Again, if the focus is only going to be on you, it's easier to understand why he might not want to talk.  Or, if you tend to use the time to probe him about things he'd rather not talk about, he might pull back.

Now there's nothing wrong with wanting someone to listen to your troubles; it's one way we can sort through things.  But your boyfriend might be the wrong person to talk to.  It could be that a therapist, a trusted girlfriend, a mentor or advisor, or a therapist might be better choices.   Energetically, you can also close your eyes and imagine yourself sitting at a table with a wise advisor, who might be an older version of yourself or a spirit guide.  You'd be amazed at the answers you can get from a few minutes of this.  Remember that when we say we need someone to listen to us, sometimes it points to a need for us to listen to ourselves first.

But if you just want to talk about your day and hear about his, or you want him to pay attention because you need to tell him something important, then you can try this:  before you go into the room to speak with him, imagine him sitting with you and listening well, responding to what you say and making eye contact with you.  And, of course, imagine yourself doing the same.  Feel the love between you, and how important you are to each other.  Visualize this until it starts to feel real to you.

Then when you walk into the room to be with him, don't talk AT him; prepare to talk WITH him.  For instance, if he is sitting, then you sit where he can clearly see you.  Don't stand in another part of the room and talk to the back of his head.  Once you get near him, give him a kiss, take his hand or touch him on the shoulder--making physical contact is a great way to get your energies attuned to each other, not to mention that it's also a great way to get his attention.  If he doesn't like the physical contact, use your etheric body to embrace him with love.

At that point, make a choice.  If you just want to tell him something, do so  while you have his attention. Don't get angry if he doesn't respond verbally; ask for him to show you in some other way that he understands.

If you want to have a real conversation, ask if this is a good time to talk for a few minutes or plan to talk when you're both able to focus, like at dinner or on a shared ride home from work.  Make sure it's a time when you both can turn down the volume or put the gadgets aside.  If not, choose another time that works for both of you.

Some of this is common sense, but it's also energetics: consciously aligning your thoughts, words and deeds with what you want so you raise your vibration and become more magnetic to what you truly want to experience.

Have fun!

Love,
EL