Bad dreams

Hi Energy Lady,
I have really, really bad dreams--almost every night.  Some are so bad that they wake me up.  Is there an energetic reason for this?

Signed,
Sleepless

Dear Sleepless,
I'm not a psychologist, and I'm assuming that you've been or might like to see one to explore the genesis of your dreams and how they might relate to your life.

But you asked about these from an energetic point of view, so I'll share this true story:
A woman named Leslie (named changed) really hated her job.  Her friends told her to get a new job; she kept talking about the fact that she knew she needed to do it.  But she didn't act.

She had terrible dreams every night.  This is mostly because when we know there's a change we need to make and we refuse to do it, we block the flow of energy into the world that is meant to go through us.  Then one night, she had a dream that an angel came and closed a venetian blind on a crystal clear window.  On the blind, the angel painted, "Leslie:  GET A NEW JOB!"

So if you're already exploring the psychological issues with a professional, you might also like to do some energy work before bed.  Try something like meditation, gentle yoga, Chi Gong or Donna Eden's Energy Medicine.   Doing any of these will help clear your mind and restore the energetic balance in your body.

Sweet dreams!

Love,
The Energy Lady

A weighty matter

Dear Energy Lady,
I do all the right things for my weight--eat healthy foods, exercise, get enough sleep--but I have 5 stubborn pounds that just won't come off no matter what I do.  Any energetic ideas for me?

Signed,
My pants are just a little too tight

Dear Tight,
I once had a friend who struggled with her weight, and wanted to be a size 6 in the worst way.  One day, she was at an event where she had to hug a partner.  She chose a woman who was a size 6 (or at least, so she thought), and was surprised to discover that "she felt a little bony to me."  Her next hug was with a woman who was substantially larger, and she thought, "this feels more comfortable."

From that day forward, she decided to take her mind off her weight and put it on just living her life.  And you know what?  She lost weight without effort, because she was put her attention on her life, not on food. She dropped to a size 10, and has been there ever since.

So you stop focusing on the pounds and find ways to make your life a little "looser."  Either that, or speak with professionals who can tweak your diet and exercise just enough to make it happen.  Or, finally, buy larger pants and go have fun.

Love,
The Energy Lady

No energy for relationship

Dear Energy Lady,

I have tried everything--and I do mean EVERYTHING--to make my relationship work.  To my girlfriend's credit, she is trying, too, because we both want to get married.  We're in counseling, but it's not working.  What we once seemed to have is just gone--there's no real spark left.  What's the matter with us?

Signed,

Weary

Dear Weary,

It's simple: stop trying.  In the act of "trying," there is tremendous energy expenditure mixed with that great energy killer, doubt.   Once you relax, you can start being with the relationship as it is, and then see how natural it feels to both of you.

Remember: energy is in a constant state of change.  The more you try to keep things the same, the faster they will change.  Use the counseling to explore where things are now, not where they once were.

But if that doesn't work, remember the 7 words that will change your life (from Rosita Perez):  "When the horse is dead, get off."

Love,

The Energy Lady

Getting a new job

Dear Energy Lady,
I keep attracting clients and/or vendors who say they either don't have money or need money.  What's up with that?

Signed,
Needy myself

Dear Needy,
You're vibrating on the level of need.  Need relates to fear, and energetically, fear is like throwing a boulder in the middle of a stream--it changes the direction of the flow.  It's a huge energy block.

Often, that fear can come from thinking that we're not good enough, smart enough or have enough value.  It could also come from past conditioning, or beliefs that people with money are somehow bad.

What you're experiencing is what in energetics is called "the mirror."  If you want to know which beliefs are blocking the flow of money to you, listen to the words of your clients and vendors.  They are mirroring what you are thinking and feeling; it's just the words are coming from their mouths, not yours.

What you want is relief from these beliefs, and there are two good websites to help you do just that:  www.thework.com (download the "Judge Your Neighbor" worksheet) and www.sedonamethod.com.  Both will help you release old, stuck energy that you no longer want.

Love,
The Energy Lady

Not enough time

Dear Energy Lady,
I never have enough time to do anything I want.  My days and nights are taken up with what my boss, clients and colleagues need, and when I get home, everything is about my husband and my kids.  I haven't read a book since 1997, and the idea of getting away to a spa or a weekend with my girlfriends is almost absurd.

Signed,
Exhausted

Dear Exhausted,
This isn't a time management problem.  You have plenty of time, and you're doing exactly the things you want.  If my saying that makes you angry, think:  I chose this job, this man and to become a parent.  I decide how to plan, organize, share and/or delegate my work and responsibilities.  There are tons of books, blogs and talk shows that can teach me time management, how to speak up for what I need in both the workplace and home, and/or focusing my efforts on what is important and satisfying, but I am choosing to ignore them, or not follow their advice because it's easier to complain and my girlfriends give me more sympathy if I'm a victim than if I had my act together.

Believe it or not, you're not exhausted from all you have to do.  You're exhausted because you're giving away your energy and not allowing yourself to receive any back.  Instead of crossing items off your "to do" list, start giving yourself gold stars for every one you accomplish.  When you talk about your day at work, focus on what you moved forward or accomplished, not on what you didn't get done.  Allow yourself to take pride in, enjoy or share your children's happiness.  Put audiobooks in the car.  Swap massages with your husband.  Bring espresso and biscotti for your girlfriends as you watch your kids play.

You can't run  a car without fuel.   You can't run a life without happiness.  Start taking more of what yours has to offer, and you'll soon change your signature to "Exhilerated!"

Love,
The Energy Lady

Finding My Purpose

Dear Energy Lady,
Everyone's talking about finding their purpose, but when I read the articles or do the tests, they just get me more and more confused.  How do I discover what my purpose really is?

Signed,
Confused

Dear Confused,
As you know, Eckhart Tolle is one of my favorite authors.  In his book, "The New Earth," he says that the purpose of life is to awaken.  This awakening suggests that you are not your name, your roles, your stuff or anything else that you think is "you."  Ask anyone who's ever lost all of those identifying items to a personal or natural disaster, and they'll all tell you the same thing: when all else is gone, you're still here.

So if you're not your stuff, then who are you, and what is your purpose?  From what I've read and experienced so far, I believe that all life is individuated aspects of God, and we're here to be ourselves.  Have you ever seen a tree compare itself to another?  Or a dog worrying about getting grey whiskers?  They just are what they are, and do what they do.  What many scholars and mystics have said throughout the ages is simply this: whatever you're doing at this moment is your purpose.

If you want your purpose to be "bigger," then find a way to bring happiness into your own life, and share or show it to others.

One more hint: whatever you do when no one's looking probably has something to do with it.

Love,
The Energy Lady

Advice to make travel smoother?

Dear Energy Lady,
I have the worst luck when I travel for business.  Planes get delayed or cancelled, hotels lose my reservations or I get food poisoning from eating someplace my client thinks is quaint.  It's gotten to the point where I feel like throwing up every time my boss mentions that I have to go out of town.  What's going on energetically?

Signed,
Wish I could stay home

Dear Wish,
The energetic solution is hiding in the words you've used to describe your problem.   When you say you wish you could stay home, what you're energetically saying is "I wish I didn't have to go!"  In this latter wish is a lot of resistance, which disrupts the flow that makes things go smoothly.   Each delay or cancellation is another signal that you're energetically resisting the very thing you're doing.  So try this: the next time you have to leave, be honest with yourself and say, "I would prefer to stay home, but I also like my job, so it is important that I do this."  As you're leaving for the airport, add, "May things be fast, safe and easy for me and for all travelers."  Ignore the voice in your brain that contradicts this and instead, focus on creating and holding the feeling of well-being in your heart.

One other note: you made reference to traveling sickening you, and then it does, both literally and figuratively.  So try saying, "I can stomach this (trip, restaurant, whatever)."

Also: pay attention to what is going right, or at least to what is NOT going wrong during your trip.  That's what happens naturally when we do not interrupt the flow of energy with our thinking, speech, emotions or actions.

Happy trails!
Love,
The Energy Lady