How to sell more

Dear Energy Lady,
I sell for a big company.  They just upped our goals, and for the first time, I'm falling behind.  Any energetic suggestions?

Signed,
Eager to make my numbers

Dear Numbers,
It's hard to tell from your letter what the definition of "falling behind" is.  In other words, were you the #1 salesperson before the goals were raised?  Or were you just a member of the pack, doing the same as everyone else and now they're ahead of you?

Either way, here are a couple of questions that might help unblock you energetically:

--If you've never been top salesperson, have you always wanted to be?  If so, you will need to break through the pattern of believing you're one of the pack.   However, if doing so would somehow make you lose the closeness you felt with the rest of the team, you might be resistant to breaking out ahead of everyone else.  That resistance would make it difficult, or even impossible, for new or bigger opportunities to reach you.

--If you were the top salesperson before but have now fallen behind, then ask yourself two questions:  1) what others are now doing differently that is helping them connect with more clients and/or 2) what has changed in either your own belief and behavior?  These are very left-brained, logical questions, but sometimes energy flow is blocked by something as simple as a few habits that just need to be aligned with the new reality.

Here are some other things that might help:

--Meditation.  Relaxing completely--letting go of thoughts and feelings--can open doors of possibility that you could never even imagine.   So if you have simply been stumped by who you might need to contact, this approach could help enormously. 

--If your thoughts are too wild for meditating, try exercise or doing any other activity that allows you to forget about work for a while.  Again, taking your attention off what isn't happening is a good way to release the blocking energy around it.

--If you want to use your thoughts productively, try visualizing.   Imagine yourself shaking hands with your clients.  See the signed contract in your in-box.  Hear yourself telling your manager about how the deal came about.  Taste a drink or the meal you'll have to celebrate your success.   In other words, bring the experience of success to life in your imagination until it becomes so real to you, you know it instinctively.  That's when you'll likely see it materialize.

--You can also stop making this about you.  If you reach the goal, what will be true in the world?  You didn't say what you sell, but if it helps your clients be safer, save money, save lives, make the world more beautiful or has any other positive purpose, then forget about the numbers and start thinking about the opportunity you're being given to improve life for others.  

--Finally, realize that life gives us situations that allow us to release our deepest fears, which are often that we are inadequate and unlovable.   If this rings true for you in any way, then maybe it's time to let this go.  And if it's not true, see if you can find whatever underlying fear is holding you back at this time.   There likely is something there, or you would have embraced the larger goal with open arms and reached or surpassed it with ease.  It would have excited you with its potential, not intimidated you.

I wish you renewed success!

Love,
EL

Dear Energy Lady,
It seems as if the world is getting more and more filled with hate.  Every time I turn on the news, someone is getting shot or blown up because of their religion or race or just because someone went nuts with a gun in a public place.   It's getting to the point where I'm afraid to go out of the house. 
Do you have any energetic advice for me?

Signed,
Scared

Dear Scared,
It's easy to see why you might think the world is filled with hate, because pain and suffering make people pay attention, and that sells papers and draws advertisers and blog hits.   Also, getting angry and upset make some people feel more powerful and alive, at least temporarily.  In the end, all hate and anger is exhausting, as it is not our true nature.

Here's a little challenge for you:  every time you hear or see something that feels like hate coming alive, look around you and ask, "Where is the love in this moment?"  You might find it in your own heart, but you are just as likely to see something beautiful, kind or extraordinary in other people or the environment. Sometimes, a door will open for you to perform an act of kindness in that moment, even if it's just giving away a smile and having someone return it (have you ever noticed that it's almost impossible not to smile at someone who's smiling at you?).

The other thing you can do is to lessen the amount of time you spend watching and pursuing the news--at least the front pages and headlines.  Newspapers are also filled with lots of happy news about people who are making a positive difference for themselves and others in business, sports, the arts, science, health and more.   The comics are always good for a laugh, too. 

As for your own personal safety, do what you can to be aware of your surroundings and make smart choices.  But if you find your fears growing too large and limiting your choices, you may want to seek professional counseling to help you unknot them.

This said, you can also increase the protective energy around you by 1) setting the intention to be safe;  2) saying--out loud--"I choose safety" whenever you leave the house; and 3) staying present in the moment and making safe choices.    Remember, however, that it is how you feel, not what you say or intend, that determines your life experience, so if you continue to feel challenged emotionally, you might want to look into tapping, The Sedona Method, The Work (by Byron Katie) or meditation to help you let go of the thoughts which are creating the negative feelings you are experiencing.

In the end, remember this:  there is much more love than hate in the world.  The proof is that throughout time, good always wins out in the end, even if it takes decades or  even centuries.    Also, if there was no darkness in the world, it would be impossible for us to both create and appreciate the light.  Just make sure you notice that on balance, good far outweighs evil, and that there is evidence of that everywhere.

Love,
EL

Monday Blues

Dear Energy Lady,
I hate Mondays.  I mean HATE them.  I just don't want to get up and go to work.  My job's ok; it's just that it feels like I'm being punished for taking the weekend off, because Mondays are always filled with a gazillion emails and problems, and it seems like everyone is on edge. Got any tips?

Signed,
Wish it were Friday

Dear LCH,
How wonder-FULL!  You have a delicious, delightful, clear and unequivocal negative.  Those are rare in this world--most people are willing to be a little bit frustrated, a little unhappy and a little disappointed every day.  But not you.  Nope.  You HATE Mondays.   So let's play with that a bit.

--When you have a nice clear negative like this, be grateful for it.   It definitely points to a desire for the opposite--LOVING Mondays.   So what does that look like for you?  What would have to be true?

--Start by making a list of every single thing you hate about Mondays.  What would your day be like without these?  For instance, if you didn't have a single problem to solve, what would you be doing instead?  (You might actually be bored if you weren't dealing with problems, by the way)

--What would a perfect start to the week look, sound, and feel like?  Have you ever experienced such a beginning--even as a child?  

--What do you love about the other 6 days of the week?  Do none of these things exist on Mondays?

--What word, sound, image or aroma would give you the sense that Monday was going to be a good day?   Try starting this week with that, and see if everything doesn't change for the better.

If you're reading this and still feeling very negative about Mondays, you may not be ready for going at them from a positive standpoint.  So consider staying with the negatives for a while.  Consider:

--You may be someone who has a very sensitive energy field, and you easily pick up on the vibes other people are giving out.  Since, as everyone knows, people do tend to be more stressed on Mondays, it could be that you're more attuned to that than others are.  In other words, you're an energy sponge, picking up the energy sludge around you.  One of the things you can do to reduce the problem is to protect yourself is to imagine a bubble of pink light surrounding you everywhere you go at work.  As you imagine it,  make it impenetrable to everyone except the people or things that are compatible with its softness and smoothness.  That might not cut down on the number of problems or emails, but it's likely that their content, tone or size will change. Try it--this really works!

--Instead of feeling that you shouldn't hate Mondays, consider the relief (comic or otherwise) that you might feel simply by recognizing that you do, and that's just the way it is.  Anything you feel you "should" do/feel/think causes blocks in your energy field, and getting rid of them not only makes you feel better, it elevates the level of your vibrational field and allows better things to come to and through you.    So go ahead.  Hate Mondays.  Sit in a chair for 15 minutes and consciously, deliberately HATE them.  Changes are good that you won't be able to do this for more than about a minute or two, since the avoidance of pain is a primary human motivation.   You may find yourself laughing at the junk that's currently rolling around as your thoughts.  You may realize that you really do need a new job.  Or you may realize that you may be struggling with something medical (like depression) and need to talk to a professional.  Either way, you'll get a sense of what you can do to improve

--In the same vein, you may be thinking that you should love your job and be happy to return to it each week.  It's more likely that unless this is a new job, there are aspects of it you enjoy, and aspects of it you don't.  Take away the energetic barbed wire of feeling that you should be eager to race to the office on Mondays, and the relief you feel at losing the burden of that guilt will likely make it easier to go in to the office.

--Another way to move the energy is simply to isolate what you hate, and what you don't.  If you hate absolutely everything about your job, then obviously, it's time to start looking for another.  But if you only hate certain aspects, then let those only occupy the percentage of your thoughts that they deserve.  Often, that's under 20%.  But as I like to say to my coaching clients, if you hit your thumb with a hammer, the fact that your kidneys are working perfectly at that moment will not concern you. So sometimes, our tendency is to put too much attention on the few things that are bothering us, not the 80% of things that are going just fine, thanks.

--Finally, give yourself a "word of the week."  Set the tone for everything that is going to happen for you energetically during the week, regardless of which day it occurs.  Choose your focus, and you'll start finding evidence of it everywhere.  This is quantum science at its best-whatever we pay attention to expands.  And the more you put your attention on what you want, the more you withdraw it from what you don't, starving the latter of the energy it needs to stay in your field.    In other words, pay more attention to the positive, and you'll likely find there are far fewer negative things to be unhappy about.

Happy New Week!

Love,
EL

Avoiding Temptation

Dear Energy Lady,
I am determined to look good in a swimsuit this summer, so I'm working out and dieting.  The problem is that there seems to be temptation everywhere!   Fresh cookies in the kitchen at work; bags of Big Macs and fries at my brother's house;  a big display of my favorite chips at the grocery store; a big window display of gorgeous chocolates on my walk to the dry cleaners.  It's like the whole world is out to sabotage my success!  What am I supposed to do?

Signed,
Salivating

Dear Salivating,
You are experiencing an energetic phenomenon that you might call "the law of contrast."  When you decided to lose weight, you created an image of yourself as thin.  In order to keep up your energy and enthusiasm to achieve this, you need to have its opposite so you can have the satisfaction of experiencing yourself as what you are NOT any longer. 

Think of it this way: if there were no contrast, you wouldn't know you were fat or thin.  You'd just be, and what's the fun in that?  Contrast is there so you can keep creating.   Without it, you'd soon lose interest, and you also wouldn't feel the joy of stepping on the scale and seeing the numbers go down, or holding your waistband away from your belly as your size shrinks. 

This is the way energy works.  As soon as you make a choice, you bring it--and its opposite--into being.   So when you created an image of yourself and took action to become thin, you simultaneously also created the conditions to keep you fat.  So it's not surprising that you should feel "surrounded" by the foods you love--you created them as much as you created the new, thinner you.

But here's the best part:  you don't need to resist them.  Our bodies don't know the difference between a thought and an actual experience, so if--for instance--you really want a donut and find yourself thinking about it, wishing for it, mentally tasting it--your body has the same physical reaction as it would if you actually ate it.  You release insulin at just the thought of eating sugar, and if there is no actual sugar for it to work on, it does the other thing insulin does:  it stores fat.  So the more you resist the donut, the more you are setting up your body to store fat, which makes it even harder in the future to lose weight.

Does that mean you should eat all the junk food you want?   Only if you want to spend every waking hour burning it off--calories in means that eventually, you need to get calories out.  But you can--and likely should--allow yourself to have a piece of a donut and savor it.  Eat it slowly.  Enjoy every morsel. 

When you don't deny yourself, your energy flows more naturally.  But again, "not denying" does not mean gorging yourself.  It means allowing yourself to be in charge of your thoughts about food. Select the foods you want, enjoy them in reasonable portions, and then use their energy to fuel the activities in your life that truly make you happy.  Let life tempt you, not just something in a window, a bag or on a plate. 

Start thinking of ALL foods as "tempting" for you.  Start looking past some of your old favorites and expand the banquet of what you enjoy to the greater bounty of what is available.  This will likely include lower fat choices as well as the higher ones.  Eat both, according to what makes you feel good about yourself.   Then go spend your calories on activities that make you feel happy and connected to life.

Enjoy!
Love,
EL

Dear Readers,
I have taken a break from writing this blog because I have been busy developing Fullistic programs that I can share on the net and in person.  So I hope to meet you eventually at one of them!

In the meantime, let me tell you about Basil (name changed), who called and asked about selling his house.  It had been on the market for over a year, and he and his wife had already purchased another house in a new city where they had moved for his job.  They really didn't want to rent out the house; they were tired of the cost and responsibility of maintaining it, and wanted to concentrate on their new home and location.

Basil gave me all the the reasons why his house hadn't sold.  The market was depressed in their area.  It was priced too high.  It faced a busy street.  It "only" had three bedrooms.  The more he talked, the clearer it became that the house and the sale was blocked by the negative energy of his doubts and frustration.

I asked him if he'd like to try a Fullistic approach, and he was willing to try anything.   The first thing was to let go of the house.   Before it could become someone else's house, it had to stop being "his" or "their" house.  It just had to be "a" house.  And not just any house; a house that was ready and eager for someone new to love it.  By breaking the energetic hold he had on the property, it also freed up the energy to glow and become more attractive to a new buyer.

Then I asked him if the house wanted to speak, "introducing" itself to its new owners.  What did it want to say?  He started enumerating all of its lovely attributes, which made it obvious that it would be perfect for someone working at or attending a nearby university, or as an investment for someone who wanted to rent it out, as there were several new industries in the area, and it had close proximity to both public transportation and the highway.

He spoke of the house in the first person, as if he was the house.  In the world of Fullistics, everything is part of the One, so this is actually a natural way to embrace what is.

Once the house introduced itself through him, I asked if he'd like to create a Facebook page so the house could get liked by others.   He lit up at the thought, and said he would try it.

Then came the final piece:  making peace with the idea that all was well.  Once he did this, he could relax and focus on his new location, fully knowing--not believing or hoping--that the old property was now energetically magnetic to its new owners, and that as long as he didn't throw an energetic wrench in the works, the house was as good as sold at the asking price, since its true value could now shine through.

If you have been stuck or frustrated in any area, try the steps outlined above:
1) Use what you don't want to identify what you do.  Get clear on the positive.  Let go of the negative, but don't worry if it's still in your thoughts.  Just leave it alone and let it be there.
2) Ramp up the positive by giving it a voice.  Let it speak to the universe through you.  Life loves beauty.
3) Think of a way of anchoring your creation in the world.  Social media is only one way; there are many others
4) Then smile and relax.  That expands your own energy field so that more things become possible.

In any case, Basil now has potential buyers looking at his house; if he lets me know, I'll share the results with you here.

Love,
EL

Bikini body

Dear Energy Lady,
Is there a way to use energy to lose weight fast?   I want to have a bikini body by July 4.

Signed,
In a Hurry

Dear Hurried,
Yes, there are some things you can do energetically to lighten up in a short period of time.   Because this is an important topic, I'll cover some of it here, and then address it again in future blogs.

The first thing is to remember that your body does not know the difference between something you're merely thinking about and an actual experience.  So if you imagine eating a warm, fudgy brownie, you will start to salivate and you will release insulin, even if there is no brownie available.   And here's the problem:  in the absence of sugar, insulin stores fat.  So the more you think about and resist that chocolate brownie, the harder it will be to lose weight because you're actually storing more fat just by thinking about it.   So it's really true when people say,  "I gain weight just thinking about food."

So try this:  Instead of resisting the foods you want, eat them in small amounts, but really stop and savor every bite.  Let the food fully satisfy you.  Take in its aroma, its flavor.  Really, truly let each little bite sink in.  In other words, use your energy to fully enjoy its energy.  You'll probably find that it doesn't take much to make you happy, and then you stop thinking about it entirely.  This allows your metabolism to do its wonderful work, and the impact of the so-called "bad" food is transformed.
(This doesn't mean, though, that you can just eat a bunch of junk food and expect to lose weight.  But you should discover that if you stop eating mentally and start eating and enjoying for real, you eat less and get more energy and pleasure from what you're eating, which makes the energy exchange between you and the food work better.)

Along with this, examine your self-talk about food so you can see what you're creating with your thoughts, feelings and words.  In my "Fullistic Weight Loss" workshops, I've had people say things like, "I gain weight the second I go off my diet"  or "Weekends always make me fat"  or "I can never lose weight."  It's not surprising that their experiences mirror these beliefs.  

So change your self-talk, and practice it often throughout the day.  Try things like, "I enjoy food that empowers me and my life"  or "I feel great after I eat"  or "I have plenty of energy to use for whatever I want"  or "I am satisfied with my choices at the table and everywhere else."

Finally, remember that people HATE to diet.   We are not designed to be losers, and evolutionarily, we are designed to hold on to resources that keep us alive.   So stop focusing on food and start focusing on gaining happiness in your life.  Because here's the surprise:  the more happiness you gain in life, the more weight you'll lose. 

More on this later this week.

Love,
EL

Why try?

Dear Energy Lady,
I have a good question for you: why doesn't all this energy stuff work?  I know how to do it all:  I make vision boards, set positive intentions, make goals (and celebrate both short-term and long-term stuff), surround myself with good people, etc.   But no matter how much I try, I still find myself coming up short. 

What's the secret?

Signed,
Super-frustrated

Dear Frustrated,
It's interesting that you should ask about the secret, because there's a very famous book of the same name that helped millions of people understand more about energy.  And it also made it sound super-easy to get everything you want, as if the universe is some kind of gumball machine and if you just pop in a coin, you'll get the thing you asked for. 

If it were that simple, there would be no debilitating diseases, no poverty, no crime or anything else any of us consider "bad."   But consider if that were true.  If there were no diseases, there would be no need for doctors, nurses, hospitals, medicine...in other words, millions of people would be out of work or be unable to know themselves as healers, care-givers or even patients who heal.  We would lack the contrast to value good health over poor health.

 If there were no poverty, many people would not be able to understand the triumph of pulling themselves out of it, or be able to experience themselves as the helpers who comfort and assist those who suffer from it.  Foundations would have nothing to give their money to.  If there were no crime, the criminals who use it for their identity (which, by the way, we often celebrate in tv series like "Breaking Bad" or movies like "The Godfather" or "Goodfellas) would not provide us with the contrast we need to know right from wrong.   And while many of us feel that suicide bombing is "bad," there are societies in which it is considered "good." 

The point is that what is "good" or "bad" is a matter of perspective, depending on many factors.   So if you're trying to do energy work to get more "good" stuff, The Secret and other books don't mention the downside of doing so:  by focusing only on one side of the equation, you automatically bring in the possibility of its shadow side, the thing you don't want.    So in saying "I want more of this" you're also--wordlessly--saying, "I don't want any of that." 

This creates an energy tug-of-war that can keep you stuck, which is what you're experiencing.   You're also setting up a state of wanting, as in "I don't have this, and I really want it."  But guess what?  The more you want something, the more you create the energetic conditions to keep on wanting it.   In other words, you're creating more, not less, separation.

So I can guess your next question:  "how do I get rid of the negative?"

The answer is simple:  you can't.    Polarities exist in the physical world to give us a reason to continually recreate ourselves and the world around us.   Without them, life would become stagnant and dull.  Think of the movie, "Pleasantville," if you want to see what I mean. 

Energy play is just that: a game.  But not one where there are "winners" or "losers."  We are all playing, and everyone's a winner; we're always getting a match to how we ARE, not what we WANT.

So if you want more of what you personally consider positive stuff to enter your life, try this:

Stop trying.

Really.  Just give it up for a while.  Relax and smile at yourself, at your life and everything in it.  Stop labeling everything, everybody and everything that happens to you.   Just let it go, and let things be.

The more you do this, the more you'll likely encounter surprises that don't just please you--they'll delight you.  It's amazing what is here for us when we stop trying to control everything, which is limited by our puny imaginations. 

This is not promising you nirvana.  Undoubtedly, you will continue to have things happen in your life that wouldn't be what you'd choose for yourself.  But the difference will be that you will be more relaxed about it, and more trusting and comfortable that, as I always like to say, "everything works out all right in the end, and if it's not all right, it's not the end."

Finally, you can't experience the vibrations of love, joy, freedom and peace if you're vibrating at frustration, grief, shame or anger.  So give up the latter, and you'll automatically put yourself in a place where you're more likely to experience the former without doing anything.

Love,
EL