Learning from The Biggest Loser

I was sitting at the kitchen table tonight, doing some email while "The Biggest Loser" was on TV. This is only the second time I've ever seen the show, but I was taken with one 200+ pound woman whose trainer had her running at 8.5 on a treadmill, and wouldn't allow her to touch the rails as she did it. She kept saying (crying really), "I can't! I can't!" as she was doing it. The trainer got mad at her and made it her do it again...and again. She kept saying that she couldn't do it, as she was doing it. So finally, he said, "don't ever tell me you can't do it" and let her stop. And if she had realized it, she would have said, "Look, I'm not having any fun here, but fine--I'll do it because I am doing it which obviously means that I can." (and P.S. she lost 5 pounds in a week)

And I started thinking about places or things in my day or week where I say "I can't," when I really mean, "I'd prefer to do something else." But then comes the big question: If I preferred the other, then how come I'm not doing it? If I have to do something I'd prefer not to, then I have a choice: I can do it while saying that I can't or I won't, which is really ridiculous, or I can simply do it and get it done as quickly and simply as possible without the resistance.

Here's what the Energy Lady would say:

"Dear Energy Lady,

I'm getting tired of people telling me what I should or should not do. But a lot of the time, I do what they ask just so I don't have to hear them whine. Any advice? Signed, Tired"

Dear Tired,

Yes. Get an alarm clock and set it for every moment when you hear whining...not from others, but in your own head. As you're doing the thing you're saying you don't want to do, let the bells go off so you can realize that you're already doing it, so why make it harder on yourself? Or--and here's a novel idea--say no or ask someone else to do it who wants to do it. That'll energize everyone!

Out of control

I love visualization. I have a really wicked imagination, and it can conjure up all kinds of great stuff that make my oh-so-ordinary life seem like a Steven Spielberg adventure. Nothing small or insignificant ever happens to me in my own mind. Between my two ears, I am a character with a story more dramatic than anything on reality TV.

If you've studied energy, then you know that thoughts are how we create the experiences of our lives. Every thought creates a corresponding emotion. Every emotion changes our vibrational field. Every vibration is magnetic to energy potentials in the zero point field. All magnetism transforms energy. In other words, when you sit down to deliberately think and feel, you'd better be careful what you wish for, because you're going to get it, although not necessarily in the form you expected.

That's what happened to me last night. My religion of birth and choice is Jewish, and last night was Erev Yom Kippur, the start of the holiest day of the year, Yom Kippur. If Jews are going to show up at any one service each year, this is the one. And my husband and I belong to a huge congregation; far more than fit into the parking lot near the temple.

As we drove towards the temple last night, it was pouring. Worse, a cold wind was blowing--the first of the season. Even though we were dressed for the weather, I didn't want to walk outside one step more than we absolutely had to. So the whole drive over, I was visualizing a good space in the temple parking lot.

When we pulled up, the first service was letting out, and cars were pouring out of the lot. We were the first car in line to turn in from the left. Dozens of other cars were in line facing us on the other side of the street, but I paid them no heed, since I assumed that the police officer directing traffic would wave us in alternately. I was thrilled; I could see the spot I wanted near the door from where we were waiting.

But when the last car had vacated the lot from the first service, the officer blocked the entrance from our direction with his body and very sternly waved us on. Then he turned to the cars in the other direction, who only needed to make a right turn into the lot, and started waving them in. My heart sank. By the time we made it around the block to join that line, all of the available spaces would undoubtedly be filled.

So we pulled forward, but now I was really edgy and unhappy. As my husband turned the corner to look for another spot, there was a car blocking our way. "Go around them!" I insisted, figuring we now needed the time to walk back many blocks in order to be on time. He was irritatingly calm. "Just wait."

I was not in the mood. "We need to get going!" I insisted, "or we'll be late." Again, he was relaxed, and pointed to the car ahead of us. And sure enough, they pulled away, revealing a great big beautiful spot that was no more than 10 feet from the side door of the Temple. We parked and ran inside, 99% dry and now in a spot where it would be much faster and easier to leave at the end of services. It was a much better place than the one I first imagined; my only problem was that I didn't see it.

If I had written myself a letter that night, it would have looked like this:

"Dear Energy Lady,

I'm a serious control freak. I use visualization to make my controlling nature look more spiritual and accepting, but when it gets right down to it, if I don't get what I want when I want in the way I want, I give up on the energy stuff and figure I can force what I want to make happen. Any advice?"

And I would have answered, "Listen to yourself. 'I didn't see it.' It's not that hard to get what you need, which you can do either through visualization or good old taking action. But if you'd like to get what you truly want, you have to give up on trying to imagine a particular outcome. In other words, when you visualize, you can only imagine what you've already experienced. If you want something better than what you've experienced, then you have to let go and allow it to enter. And it helps to have someone else in the driver's seat (literally or figuratively) when you do."

Love,

The Energy Lady

What's this blog about?

Not so long ago, there was an advice columnist named Ann Landers. I never missed her column. She would take peoples' problems, look at them with an objective, but compassionate eye, and then tell them to do some commonsense thing that somehow made everything turn out all right.

While Ann was giving down-to-earth advice, Erma Bombeck was making a mess of her life and having us laugh along with her. Long before reality TV shows, Erma would tell us the truth about her family and trying to cope with life's ups and downs, ins and outs. But unlike reality shows, she was no drama queen--she somehow saw the humor in everyone and everything.

These women inspired me, and made me want to be a newspaper columnist. And for almost a decade, I was. I went looking for the good in people and situations, and I almost always found it. I loved writing that column, but stopped when my daughter turned 13 because it's hard enough to go through puberty without your mother trying to find the positive side of hormonal meltdowns, braces and failed drivers' license tests.

As time went on, I found that it was more fun to teach others how to find the good in their own lives than just tell them stories. You know, the old "teach a man to fish" adage. Plus, I'd started studying metaphysics, spirituality, creativity and human potential, so the stories started to make sense. So I wrote a couple of books and went out on the speaking circuit. Long before "The Secret," I was having a blast teaching audiences how to visualize, move fishing sinkers using only their thoughts, and lose weight by gaining happiness.

But that phase came to an end when our town suffered a massive flood. Our family's business had a rotten year, and never recovered. I once heard a speaker give the 7 words that will change your life: "When the horse is dead, get off." We tried for 8 years to get that dead horse moving again, but it never did. So we finally got off, left town, and started over.

I have a full-time job now, so there's no real time to speak, travel or even write much, for that matter. But there's still time to dream, and my dream has always been to write an advice column that blends commonsense with metaphysics, using the often-funny-but-sometimes-not-so-funny things that happen as the energetic mirror that shows the flaws or focus that make things happen. And that's what this blog will be about.

The difference between Ann, Erma and me, though, is that I'm going to give a lot of my own advice to myself. And you get to watch. In other words, I'm my own metaphysical experiment. I'll tell you what's going on, what I think it might mean and where it came from. I won't take any of it too seriously, though, because from what I read, life is an illusion, anyway.

And here's the best part. Besides being able to chime in with your own comments, you can also give me advice or ask for it. Some of you may know a lot more about metaphysics, energetics and enlightenment than I do, and I'm eager to hear what you have to say. But if this is all new to you, I'll share what I know. It should be an interesting conversation.

Eventually, I hope we'll have a community where we'll be sharing and supporting each other Fullistically(TM), which is a word I coined that represents living in a state of multi-dimensional awareness that includes all aspects of our lives. Not just those who read the blog, but in our communities, our world, and--who knows?--maybe even in our universe.

So welcome. You can call me DEL ("Dear Energy Lady"). I'm glad you're here.