Why try?

Dear Energy Lady,
I have a good question for you: why doesn't all this energy stuff work?  I know how to do it all:  I make vision boards, set positive intentions, make goals (and celebrate both short-term and long-term stuff), surround myself with good people, etc.   But no matter how much I try, I still find myself coming up short. 

What's the secret?

Signed,
Super-frustrated

Dear Frustrated,
It's interesting that you should ask about the secret, because there's a very famous book of the same name that helped millions of people understand more about energy.  And it also made it sound super-easy to get everything you want, as if the universe is some kind of gumball machine and if you just pop in a coin, you'll get the thing you asked for. 

If it were that simple, there would be no debilitating diseases, no poverty, no crime or anything else any of us consider "bad."   But consider if that were true.  If there were no diseases, there would be no need for doctors, nurses, hospitals, medicine...in other words, millions of people would be out of work or be unable to know themselves as healers, care-givers or even patients who heal.  We would lack the contrast to value good health over poor health.

 If there were no poverty, many people would not be able to understand the triumph of pulling themselves out of it, or be able to experience themselves as the helpers who comfort and assist those who suffer from it.  Foundations would have nothing to give their money to.  If there were no crime, the criminals who use it for their identity (which, by the way, we often celebrate in tv series like "Breaking Bad" or movies like "The Godfather" or "Goodfellas) would not provide us with the contrast we need to know right from wrong.   And while many of us feel that suicide bombing is "bad," there are societies in which it is considered "good." 

The point is that what is "good" or "bad" is a matter of perspective, depending on many factors.   So if you're trying to do energy work to get more "good" stuff, The Secret and other books don't mention the downside of doing so:  by focusing only on one side of the equation, you automatically bring in the possibility of its shadow side, the thing you don't want.    So in saying "I want more of this" you're also--wordlessly--saying, "I don't want any of that." 

This creates an energy tug-of-war that can keep you stuck, which is what you're experiencing.   You're also setting up a state of wanting, as in "I don't have this, and I really want it."  But guess what?  The more you want something, the more you create the energetic conditions to keep on wanting it.   In other words, you're creating more, not less, separation.

So I can guess your next question:  "how do I get rid of the negative?"

The answer is simple:  you can't.    Polarities exist in the physical world to give us a reason to continually recreate ourselves and the world around us.   Without them, life would become stagnant and dull.  Think of the movie, "Pleasantville," if you want to see what I mean. 

Energy play is just that: a game.  But not one where there are "winners" or "losers."  We are all playing, and everyone's a winner; we're always getting a match to how we ARE, not what we WANT.

So if you want more of what you personally consider positive stuff to enter your life, try this:

Stop trying.

Really.  Just give it up for a while.  Relax and smile at yourself, at your life and everything in it.  Stop labeling everything, everybody and everything that happens to you.   Just let it go, and let things be.

The more you do this, the more you'll likely encounter surprises that don't just please you--they'll delight you.  It's amazing what is here for us when we stop trying to control everything, which is limited by our puny imaginations. 

This is not promising you nirvana.  Undoubtedly, you will continue to have things happen in your life that wouldn't be what you'd choose for yourself.  But the difference will be that you will be more relaxed about it, and more trusting and comfortable that, as I always like to say, "everything works out all right in the end, and if it's not all right, it's not the end."

Finally, you can't experience the vibrations of love, joy, freedom and peace if you're vibrating at frustration, grief, shame or anger.  So give up the latter, and you'll automatically put yourself in a place where you're more likely to experience the former without doing anything.

Love,
EL

What's this blog about?

Not so long ago, there was an advice columnist named Ann Landers. I never missed her column. She would take peoples' problems, look at them with an objective, but compassionate eye, and then tell them to do some commonsense thing that somehow made everything turn out all right.

While Ann was giving down-to-earth advice, Erma Bombeck was making a mess of her life and having us laugh along with her. Long before reality TV shows, Erma would tell us the truth about her family and trying to cope with life's ups and downs, ins and outs. But unlike reality shows, she was no drama queen--she somehow saw the humor in everyone and everything.

These women inspired me, and made me want to be a newspaper columnist. And for almost a decade, I was. I went looking for the good in people and situations, and I almost always found it. I loved writing that column, but stopped when my daughter turned 13 because it's hard enough to go through puberty without your mother trying to find the positive side of hormonal meltdowns, braces and failed drivers' license tests.

As time went on, I found that it was more fun to teach others how to find the good in their own lives than just tell them stories. You know, the old "teach a man to fish" adage. Plus, I'd started studying metaphysics, spirituality, creativity and human potential, so the stories started to make sense. So I wrote a couple of books and went out on the speaking circuit. Long before "The Secret," I was having a blast teaching audiences how to visualize, move fishing sinkers using only their thoughts, and lose weight by gaining happiness.

But that phase came to an end when our town suffered a massive flood. Our family's business had a rotten year, and never recovered. I once heard a speaker give the 7 words that will change your life: "When the horse is dead, get off." We tried for 8 years to get that dead horse moving again, but it never did. So we finally got off, left town, and started over.

I have a full-time job now, so there's no real time to speak, travel or even write much, for that matter. But there's still time to dream, and my dream has always been to write an advice column that blends commonsense with metaphysics, using the often-funny-but-sometimes-not-so-funny things that happen as the energetic mirror that shows the flaws or focus that make things happen. And that's what this blog will be about.

The difference between Ann, Erma and me, though, is that I'm going to give a lot of my own advice to myself. And you get to watch. In other words, I'm my own metaphysical experiment. I'll tell you what's going on, what I think it might mean and where it came from. I won't take any of it too seriously, though, because from what I read, life is an illusion, anyway.

And here's the best part. Besides being able to chime in with your own comments, you can also give me advice or ask for it. Some of you may know a lot more about metaphysics, energetics and enlightenment than I do, and I'm eager to hear what you have to say. But if this is all new to you, I'll share what I know. It should be an interesting conversation.

Eventually, I hope we'll have a community where we'll be sharing and supporting each other Fullistically(TM), which is a word I coined that represents living in a state of multi-dimensional awareness that includes all aspects of our lives. Not just those who read the blog, but in our communities, our world, and--who knows?--maybe even in our universe.

So welcome. You can call me DEL ("Dear Energy Lady"). I'm glad you're here.