Healing a relationship with energy

Dear Energy Lady,
My boyfriend and I are really struggling.  I think we both want to make this work, but we fight all the time and then end up not speaking at all.  We've been to counseling and it's helping some--but sometimes it's hard to listen.  Any thoughts?

Signed,
Want to be in love again

Dear Love,
The most important thing when working with energy is to focus on what you want, not on what you don't want.  So the fact that you and your boyfriend are focused on trying to make this work is a good thing, and certainly, professional counseling is a great way to sort out your differences, learn new ways of communicating and supporting each other, and growing.

If you'd like to add some energy to your efforts to make things go easier or faster, here are a few things you can try:

1) The next time you find yourself getting "hooked" about something your boyfriend says or does, rather than reacting, stop and observe yourself.  Notice where you're feeling the emotion, and what it's suggesting that you do or say.  Just watch it.  As soon as you detach, it will start to fizzle and fade.  You may still be annoyed, but your reaction and actions will be much gentler.

2) The next time you're in a room together, embrace him with your etheric body.  To do this, put your feet flat on the floor.  Take a few breaths.  Relax.   Imagine that your heart has a door, and it's opening.  You will see or feel a warmth or tingling in your chest as you do this.  Let out the light in your heart until it envelops you completely.  This should make you feel very good.  As you do this, you're filling your etheric body, the vibrational field immediately adjacent to your physical body.  This energy body is very fluid, and can stretch to any size.  It's the same shape as your physical body, only as large as you need it to be.  Fill it with love and light, and then "reach out" with it to touch or embrace your boyfriend.  This is especially fun to do if he's not sitting near you--he'll feel something, but won't know what; he'll just know he feels good.  Embrace him like this as long as you feel comfortable.

3) When you're apart, send him good thoughts.  The best way to do this is to speak them aloud.   You can say things like, "I love you, honey."  "You're my guy"  "You're the best" or talk about any other things you like about him.  Again, the intention couples with the physical release of the vibrations, which raises the vibes between you.  (And don't be surprised if he calls or texts when you do this, saying that he was "just thinking of you.")

4) Start noticing what you like and what is right about him and your relationship, not just what is wrong. It's really easy to focus on the negative, and when you do, you only get more of it.  Bring back some balance by naming one right thing for every "wrong" thing.

5) Finally, make sure you like who you are.  It's impossible to love someone else if you don't love yourself, so take some time to notice what's right, good and lovable about YOU.   This will also help make you less needy, and if the relationship does end, will leave you in a better place, able to move on.

Love,
EL